LESBIAN STABBED IN FREE TV SHOCKER


The offending inverse camera case face

MINISTRY OF DEFENCE PROBE

Useless girlfriend watches in shock

Last Thursday, Lottie Lodge was stabbed by two youths who were after a free television set, while girlfriend Kirsty Rolls looked on with an inverse camera case face.

Ms. Lottie, 23, of Mount Pleasant, had left a note on her door offering an unwanted television set for free upon collection. When two teens holding beer cans came to retrieve the television, girlfriend Ms. Kirsty, almost 21, ran to her aid and stood by helplessly as the youths stabbed Ms. Lodge in order to make off with the appliance.

Assorted members of the knitting community are appealing for calm, and have released a press statement offering a reward for information about the youths, who also escaped carrying a 57 kilogram Hitachi television, photofit attached.

The incident has provoked a statement from Jan Moir, who has told us that “once again, this is further evidence that straight people are just better.”

Photofit

Disclaimer: No lesbians were harmed in reality, and in fact Lottie isn’t a lesbian, although she does live in Mount Pleasant.

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